In an instant

It's amazing how in an instant feelings that you thought were long gone/suppressed come flooding back. I don't know why or how but all I know is that it happened and in that instant I was a (literally) shivering mess. It passed, but i'm really confused as to why it happened in the first place. I have my theories, but none I am convinced of. The return (and departure) of all these forgotten feelings are like salt to a wound long scabbed over. I'm just out of place about it. I don't know why, what, how or when. I just know that they are still there. Need to find a distraction.

Musings from the week (actually weeks - plural)..

• spending time with people I don't often see was a great way to spend my Friday night at a friends birthday party. It was so refreshing to talk and get to know different people. Dinner wasn't too bad either!
• i'm really going to miss Japan and the life that I have created here. Knowing that I only have a few more months here is really playing on my emotions. The smallest, insignificant things set me off. I'm going to be a horrible emotional mess pre and post departure.
• it's ok to be scared. I'm really scared but excited at the same time about what the future holds for me. I need to stay focused on my goals and remember what I want. If I do this everything will work out. Keep the faith, keep the motivation, cultivate the motivation and push on.
• removing toxic things and people are essential to my growth and happiness. Surrounding myself with beautiful, positive people and things will in turn help me become a more beautiful, positive person. Remember to love myself.
• spoiling myself on valentines day is totally acceptable.
• being proud of myself is totally acceptable and necessary. 

being chased by small children wearing devil masks wielding newspaper batons, made strawberry and fig shortcake, made tiramisu, sat for two hours in a lecture all in Japanese to renew my license, drank delicious hot chocolate from Leina, played touch rugby - score 3 trys and our team won the tournament, drank a whole lot of red wine, two birthday dinners, a cherry dr. pepper addiction, went stir crazy from lack of exercise so went running, ate toffee strawberries at the oyster festival, had a revelation about a certain yankee.

hearts and hugs

xx